Willing
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: There were words on his tongue, words he wanted to say, but at the same time he didn't want to do anything to ruin this. He didn't want her to leave again. He didn't think he could survive that.


**I've had this written for a while now. If the show doesn't come back, I do have (very rough) plans for a larger fic that will hopefully fix things and maybe give some of you a headcanon for what happens next, so in the event of a cancellation (in the event the writers' decision to gamble on the family they created backfires immensely), look for that to be started.**

 **If the show does come back, well, hope this fic right here helps tide you over until then. I'll probably write some other stuff too but it depends. (Side note I saw Kat in Waitress last Saturday and I am still sobbing she was such a star.)**

 **This picks up a few (~3-4?) months after the dumpster fire that aired tonight.**

* * *

Just days ago Walter had thought his odds of ever holding Paige again were so low they were almost immeasurable. Before they began dating, he often wondered, almost to an obsessive extent at times, what it would be like to be able to hold her in the way that only couples did. When she went away, that was what he missed most, after her company. His sleep had been affected prior to their blowup, but it hadn't gotten any better these last months. Sleep was only for a mind at rest.

His mind certainly felt more at rest tonight than it had in a long, long time, probably since that night he and Paige and Ralph ate together in the garage the night they fixed the telescope. Emotionally, he had been even further drained by the conversation they had just had – difficult, honest, but the happiness and relief he felt at the knowledge that she wanted to work on this as much as he did, that she had lain awake missing him on likely some of the same nights he laid awake missing her, it triggered a surge of adrenaline that recharged him. They weren't back together – not officially – but their talk had lasted over an hour and he had apologized for lying and she had apologized for expecting him to read her mind and they both apologized for the other things they said, and just barely a minute ago she had curled her body toward him, lifting her knees so they were in his lap and tucking her head just under his chin, and when he wrapped his arms tightly around her she made a small sound and nestled closer.

He was torn. There were words on his tongue, words he wanted to say, but at the same time he didn't want to do anything to ruin this. He didn't want her to leave again. He didn't think he could survive that.

But not telling her things was what caused their rift in the first place. So he stayed silent a moment longer, savoring their closeness, before shifting his weight slightly and clearing his throat. "Paige?"

She didn't move. "Yeah?"

"I love you. I – I don't know if that's something I'm allowed to say right now, I, I don't know if it's appropriate. But you like knowing things. And so you should know…that."

His heart lurched as she moved, but she wasn't getting up, just _sitting_ up, tucking stray hair behind her ears and biting her lip. Walter felt the nerves start to fester again, but he stayed silent, trying to convince himself that she wasn't leaving, she wasn't yelling, and that was something. He remained silent as Paige bit her lip, starting to nod. Thankfully, she opened her mouth to speak before long. But then she stopped. She didn't say anything. She just stared at him.

And then her lips were on his.

Her kiss wasn't frantic or passionate; it almost seemed hesitant. Walter kissed her back in a way he hoped was confident without reeking of desperation. He _was_ desperate. He wanted her here; he wanted her to want to stay, and not just right now. But he didn't want her to think this was a mistake. He didn't want her to pull away, stammer about just being friends, and head out the door. And he didn't want her end up thinking that fixing this, if that's what she wanted now, was going to be too much work to be worth it.

"I know I said this earlier," she said when they broke apart, foreheads touching, "but I've missed you so much." Her hand was on his chest, curling around his shirt, and he didn't even know if she was aware she was doing it. She leaned forward, brushing her lips over his again, and then sighing. "I do love you, Walter."

"I'm so sorry." They had admitted already that the schism was the fault of the both of them, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. Back before, before they were even ever together, Cabe told him to make absolutely sure he was ready for her, that he could make her happy and never be the source of her pain. And although he knew their problems were a two – way street, he still wished he had done things differently. He wished he could have read her better. Maybe then none of this would have happened. Maybe then there wouldn't have been so many tears in the eyes that he loved so much.

"I uh," she said after a moment, biting her lip again. She cocked her head. "I know picking up where we left off is probably unrealistic, but…" She looked down at her hand, seeming to just realize that it was entangled with his shirt. "I was telling you the truth the day we rescued Kenny. You _are_ the love of my life. And when you said that to me, I knew you were lying about something, but I also knew it wasn't that. I don't want to throw that away."

He didn't either. He didn't either. "No more lying."

"No more mixed signals." Her other hand was resting on his thigh. "And I promise to work on my insecurities if you promise to remember I have them."

"I promise," he said.

"This is going to be hard work, Walter. Neither of us tried hard enough last time. We both figured we loved each other and that meant everything would just fall into place."

"I agree." Walter said, nodding. "Love is a noun and a verb." He hesitated before leaning forward and kissing her tenderly. "And in addition I also promise…" he needed air. He wondered if he had taken any breaths since she started speaking. He took in a deep breath. "You're the only woman I could ever want. You're beautiful, and you're kind, and of all the things I've done, nothing compares to the feeling of us. It…it doesn't matter how people on the outside of this feel about me. I would be a fool to look for anything better, because better doesn't exist." He could hear the air rushing past her teeth as Paige drew in a shaky breath. "Perhaps I'm just naïve. But I think, possibly, if that's what you wanted, we could pick up _ahead_ of where we left off. Maybe things will be better."

Another shaky breath. Walter put effort into his own breathing. That sound and the expression of hers that always accompanied it drove him mad, and he knew she never did it on purpose because she didn't know what that alone could do to him. He wasn't even sure if she knew when she did it, made the wanting you face and taking in the wanting you breath. Their circumstances made him wonder if perhaps he was reading her wrong again. They had just gotten back together – or at least, he was fairly certain that that was what had just happened – and was an hour and a quarter of talking really enough?

Then again, it was about three minutes between him leading her out onto the dance floor at Kovelsky's and her shyly pulling him into that storage closet only to have him half undressed seemingly within seconds of closing it.

"Kiss me," she said suddenly, removing all doubt about reading her from his mind. " _God_ , kiss me."

He pulled her close, placing his lips firmly on hers, and this time there was no hesitation from either of them. Her hands came up resting on his shoulders, and he lifted a hand to her face, his thumb gently stroking the side of her jaw. When they broke apart for air, they both shifted, Paige swinging her legs over his lap and scooting closer while he wrapped his arms securely around her waist.

Walter wanted to keep telling her how much he missed her, how the way he felt about her couldn't be measured on any chart or graph, and he did his best to convey it through their contact as they kissed and kissed and as he rubbed her back and tried not to get ahead of himself, tried not to make any assumptions. But then, suddenly, she pushed up and shifted her hips and then she was straddling him, the heel on each of her hands pressing against his ears as she returned her mouth to his, and not making assumptions became astronomically more difficult.

He was used to the two of them in this position, but usually he knew it was okay to touch her, to undo – well, fumble with anyway – buttons, to move his mouth away from her lips. The rules of engagement had certainly changed now, but he didn't know what they were. And he didn't know if her lack of exploring lips and hands meant she didn't want what was on his mind or if she wasn't any surer of where his head was at than he was of hers. His hands were sliding up her thighs, pushing her skirt higher despite a voice in his head telling him it was a bad idea. Her little gasp when his fingers reached the thin band of fabric where her underwear wrapped around her hips suggested to him that maybe it wasn't. His hands moved a few inches back down, just to be safe.

Her hands had moved from his face to his neck, and now one of them slid farther down, locating a button on his shirt. "Is this okay?" She asked, sounding breathless.

He accompanied his nod with his own winded "yes."

A small smile played on her lips as she began to open his shirt, settling her hips firmly on his lap and slowly shifting them forward and back. Walter set his jaw, focusing on breathing through his nose. This felt almost normal, almost like before, comfortable and passionate, except it wasn't like before at all, at least not like it had been for a long time, because it had been months since they were together this way and when she dropped her head to suck on his neck, her hips still grinding against his, his groan was as much of frustration as it was pleasure.

Paige lifted her head, staring at him for a long moment before a tiny noise came from her throat and she put her lips on his again. Walter moved his hands up her hips, tugging her top free of her skirt and sliding his hands underneath, feeling her mostly smooth, soft skin; his thumb traced one of her stretch marks, the one that was slightly raised, and trailed a hand lightly over her belly, feeling the muscles there quivering lightly. He knew himself well enough to know everything about her, all the familiar little details that had been absent for what had felt like an eternity coming back to him like this was pushing him to the brink of sensory overload. His mind was racing and the world was blurring around them and he was so incredibly turned on that he was probably sweating a decidedly _unsexy_ amount. When Paige's hands pushed his shirt off his shoulders and he leaned forward slightly so she could remove it completely, he kept kissing her, tongue stroking her lip, but when her hands reached between them to the buckle on his belt, he tore his lips away. "Paige."

She immediately let go and held her hands up. "Sorry."

"No – " He reached up, taking her hands and lacing his fingers with hers. "No, I want to."

"Okay." She tossed her hair behind her shoulder. Her pupils were dilated, her cheeks were rosy and her lips were slightly swollen. "Then what's…"

"Nothing. Just, you know how attracted to you I am, and it's been a little bit."

"Walter," she said, taking on an expression not unlike some of the ones she gave him in their last days on the island, "my mind might know why we haven't had sex in a while, but my body doesn't know it any more than yours and trust me…" she took one set of their hands and ran it slowly up her thigh, slipping her fingers out of his and placing her hand on top, pressing his palm against her skin. "I'm not going to need long, either." Walter's fingers flexed against her skin. "Feel, Walter," she whispered. "Feel how ready you've made me."

Walter took her cue, sliding his hand under her skirt and a low sound grumbled in his throat when he felt how slick her underwear was. Their other set of hands were still entangled, and he felt extra pressure on his fingers when he touched her. Walter curled the fingers on his other hand into a fist, and Paige's eyes fell closed as she slowly began to move her hips over his knuckles. "Oh God, Walter." Her free hand reached up and gripped his shoulder.

He kept his fist fairly still, watching her face as she moved, still slightly incredulous that he was able to see her in this way again. She really did look beautiful like this, biting on her lower lip, mouth opening occasionally, just enough to gasp. Her grip on his shoulder hurt, but like hell was he going to ask her to readjust.

"Oh God," she said again, her voice sounding different but familiar. He knew that voice, recognized the look on her face, and he let go of her hand and placed his free one on her thigh. "Come on…" the pet name _Love_ caught in his throat. He didn't want to ask her if it would be weird to use again.

Both her hands were on his shoulders now, her hips still moving slowly. She moaned again, biting down on her lip and tipping her chin down toward her chest. "Did you not do this?" He asked her. They had been apart, well, long enough, but she was responsive enough that it almost seemed as if the last person to touch her was him.

"You know it's…different with you," she gasped, stilling her hips and drawing in a deep breath. "I could be so… _damn content_ by myself until you."

Walter would be lying if he said he didn't understand.

"You're close," he said, applying alternating pressure with his finger tips to his palm, making his knuckles wiggle against her as her hips reacted.

She drew in a quick breath before starting to move her hips again. "Walter, I – oh God." She dropped her chin again.

"Look at me, Paige."

"Walter," she said, reaching down and grabbing his wrist. Her eyes opened and locked on his. "I want you to be inside me." He almost didn't have time to react before her lips were back on his, her hands returning to his belt buckle but lingering there, waiting for his permission. Walter's hands found the top of her skirt and he slipped his fingers underneath. Paige rose up on her knees, letting him tug the skirt down while she undid his belt. She stood, wiggling the skirt the rest of the way down to the floor while Walter lifted his hips to free himself of his pants and boxers. He suddenly realized something. "We're downstairs. This is the downstairs couch."

Paige blinked. "You feeling okay there, Walt?"

"Have you missed a pill recently?"

He saw realization come over her face. "You don't have any in your desk?" Upon the shake of his head, Paige frowned, then headed across the room. Stopping at Toby's desk, she wiggled open the door and smiled triumphantly. There was a rustling as she bent over it, then she headed back toward the couch and tore the wrapper open with her teeth, fishing the condom out and handing it to him. "Wait," she said after a moment, freezing and staring at him.

Walter stopped with the condom halfway down. "Wait, what? Are they too old?"

"No. Just from before they started trying but…"

"But?"

"Why does he have them _here_?"

"Paige," Walter said, "if you want this to happen, those images need to not be in my head."

"Sorry." She giggled, then got a more serious expression on her face as she straddled him again. "I sound like a broken record at this point, Walter, but…"

"I missed you, too."

She smiled and kissed him, flexing her hips and settling down on him, slowly, until her thighs rested on his. Drawing in a sharp inhale, she slid her hands up through his hair as she began to move on him, her hips settling into a rhythm that made him go cross – eyed. "Damn, Paige."

He moved with her as best he could, sliding his hands around to grip her hips, echoing her moans with his own. She smashed her mouth against his, cradling his face and humming against his lips.

"I meant what I said, Walter," she whimpered. "Before." She stopped talking, panting for a few seconds, and then continued. "We're going to be okay. It might just…oh god…" she closed her eyes, pressing her lips together, and then let out a long sigh in an effort to steady her breathing. "It might have just required us taking the long way."

She was getting him everywhere, body, mind, heart; Walter had no idea how he was still breathing. He responded in the only way he knew how, an answer that wasn't true mere hours ago. "I know."

"Good." Her nails dug into one of his shoulders. "God, this feels so good."

They were in agreement again. One of Walter's hands moved from her hips to grip the arm of the couch. "Don't stop," he moaned, each breath betraying his desperation.

"God no," Paige said, a small smile on her face as her eyes fell closed again. She made a sound through closed lips, then her face contorted and she moaned loudly. "Shit, Walter, I'm – "

He cut her off by reaching between them, and she moaned again; she wasn't usually this loud, and she seemed almost self – conscious because she leaned down and put her mouth firmly against his again, her hands gripping his ears with so much force they would hurt under any other circumstances. Walter felt her contracting around him and he groaned and combined with the continued movement of her hips he found himself shuddering beneath her before she'd even come fully back.

Paige leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him, and he returned the affection, encircling her while they both gasped for air. "I love you, I love you, I love you," she repeated in a whisper, her lips near his ear.

"I love you too. I'm sorry, Paige," he said, sliding a hand up to cradle the back of her head. "You're never going to have a reason to doubt me again, okay? I promise."

"Shhhhhh," she said soothingly. "It's okay. What's important is we made it. That's all."

Walter wondered if this counted as making it. Did surviving the fight mean not ever breaking up, or did coming back to each other count, too? He supposed that didn't matter. She meant they were together now, and that's all he cared about, too.

"Paige?" He asked after a moment. He didn't want them to move out of each other's arms, nor did he want to take away the tenderness from the moment, but, "I need to take the condom off or there won't be a point in us using it."

"Oh. Right." She eased off of him. He felt her eyes on him as he went to the nearest trash can, and when he turned back to her, she was looking at him in a way he usually loved. Tonight was a little different. Crossing back to the couch, he sat down next to her and ran his hand over her thigh. "I think I'm a one and done tonight."

"Mmmm, fiiiine," Paige said playfully, giving him a kiss on the cheek, then the lips. "We can do it again in the morning."

"Is this really _where we left off_?" Walter asked her jokingly.

"Eh." She gave a shrug. "We'll get back to being a little less constant about it eventually. Right _now_ …" she licked her lips, "I want enough of my boyfriend to make up for the time apart."

Walter leaned forward and kissed her again. "Lean back and put your legs up here."

Paige grinned, settling against the back of the couch and bringing her ankles up to rest on the edge of the cushion. Walter eased off the couch, walking on his knees until he was in front of her. He started slow, knowing she was probably still sensitive and not wanting to overstimulate her. He could tell by her sighs, the happy, almost delirious smile on her face and the way her hand traveled lightly through his hair that he had chosen the right approach. She was beautiful like this. She was always beautiful, but getting to see her like this, knowing that the trust he felt for her was reciprocated, knowing that he was the only one who got to see her like this made his heart literally swell.

Well, not _literally_. But Walter believed it at times like these.

"God Walter," she mumbled.

"Good?" He asked.

"Mmm hmm. Go easy, though."

"Of course, Love," he replied, the pet name rolling easily from his lips now. He lowered his head back down, feeling her leg jerk and the next swipe of his tongue. He kept up the slow pace, easing her back into it, glad that he knew her body well enough to know how to do that without inadvertently working her up. He loved teasing her – she loved teasing him every bit as much – but neither of them could handle that tonight. So he kept on, bringing her nearer and nearer to the edge without backing off, reaching up and taking her hand when her moans grew louder. He knew she was close when she dug her heels into the cushion so hard they almost slipped off and pushed her hips against him, and he picked up his pace, keeping his mouth on her when she fell to draw out her pleasure as long as he could. Then he lifted his head, crawling up to kiss her, feeling her legs come around him to hold him closer as her hands slid over his shoulders.

"I fear something I said earlier will turn out to be true," he said after a minute of kissing.

She looked at him, confusion clear in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Me being naive. We can't just pick up where we were and move forward." He slid out of her curled limbs and settled on the couch beside her. "Everything that happened still happened. It's always going to be there."

"But it will only destroy us again if we let it." She put her hand on his. "Walter, we're the ones who get to decide if all that stuff still matters. And we're the ones who know how it feels to be apart. It sucks. It's way worse than any issues we have together, we just have to be willing to work on them. And I am. I _am_. I promise you."

Walter kissed her forehead. "I promise you, too."

"Good." She gave him a little smile. "Now are you gonna invite me to bed? It's a bit cold down here without all the clothes."

He kissed her again. "You don't need an invite. It's your bed, too."

* * *

 **I tried. Hope this helps. Reviews are nice.**


End file.
